I’m starting to think I have a thing for ass.
No, really. I like a well rounded derriere as much as the next girl, but this is too much. Every fact that pulls me in lately has something to do with the back nine.
Shut up. It’s funny.
Take this post for instance. I’m going to tell you about the art of reading ass.
Yes, reading ass. You #$%#ing deaf? Listen up.
Rumpology is the art of divining the future by reading the lines, crevices, dimples and folds of the buttocks.
Translation? A stranger will give you a first rate rectal tickle. For a small fee.
Jacqueline Stallone, a foremost rumpologist, states rump reading was an art practiced in ancient Babylon, India, Greece, and Rome.
Why? Because they were fucking perverts.
However, the official answer is the ancient Greeks thought the butt was the key to health and fidelity.
Romans used butt prints to determine potential talents and future success. Pay attention, porn stars. Have your ass read before it’s pounded to determine if it’s the right career path for you.
Jose Miranda, a student of Stallone’s, says rump reading is no different than reading a palm or someone’s eyes because it works the same way as astrology and palmistry. Oh, and getting messages from Ghosts.
That’s a fart, not a ghost.
Ulf Buck is a blind, ass reading guru who knows how to cop a feel any prison inmate would be proud of. He’s spent years training his fingers to feel naked buttocks.
He’s even been referred to as an ASStrologer.
An apple-shaped, muscular bottom indicates someone who is charismatic, dynamic, very confident and often creative. A person who enjoys life.
A pear-shaped bottom suggests someone very steadfast, patient and down-to-earth.
Ulf has no answer for those whose asses sit on their heads.
Think you’re cut out for a prosperous career in the competitive field of ass tapping? Check out the Skeptic’s Dictionary for more information.